You may feel trapped, worthless, and helpless.  You may believe you are being abused because you deserve it or because it is your fault.  You may think that things will get better if you just “be good.”  You may be afraid of what might happen if you try to get out of an abusive relationship.  You may not know what to say to your children and family.  You may not know how you are going to survive without your abuser in your life.  You may be scared of the unknown.  You may feel intimidated or ashamed.  You may not know where to go or who to call.

But you are not alone.

According to CDC.gov, 1 in 4 women report experiencing violence by a current or former boyfriend or spouse.  These women also have a higher incidence of asthma, diabetes, irritable bowel syndrome, frequent headaches, chronic pain, difficulty sleeping, and post-traumatic stress issues than their counterparts do.  Think about how this may impact society: not only do some women seek treatment at hospitals and doctor’s offices for their injuries, but also for their chronic medical or psychiatric issues.  And injury or health problems mean time off of work.  And time off of work means less productivity.  Less productivity means loss of income for businesses, which means cutbacks and lay-offs.  Which leaves people out of work with loss of health insurance–no health insurance to cover the treatment they need stemming from the abuse.  No job and no health insurance leads to increased stress and tension in the home.  And then the cycle of domestic abuse begins.

But it can stop.

So, what is domestic violence? It is often defined as a pattern of behavior that is used by one person to establish power and control over another person. It involves physical abuse or threats of abuse between partners, family members, or members of a household. The abuser believes that they are entitled to control the other, so they engage in particular behaviors in order to gain that control. This may involve harassment (name-calling, bullying,) intimidation (insisting their rules be followed,) assault (punching, hitting,) or holding a person against their will.

But why do they feel the need to control? Every person if different, and the reasons may vary wildly, but the bottom line is their thinking is faulty and irrational.  No one has the right to control another; we are entitled to make our own decisions, have our own opinions, and live life as we choose, within the realm of criminal law and God’s law. Life is too short to live in an unhealthy relationship. The person you choose to be with should never harm you in any way, not emotionally, physically, mentally, or financially. They should encourage you and support you and be the trampoline you need to bounce into a fulfilling life.

Not sure if you’re being abused? Click here.

Need help? Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.